Hold On to Hope

How is that isn't that what it's all about yeah if I don't speak I don't care we've been looking at Jesus that's the point right that's the point he's the point you guys can sit man what an honor an honor to be here you guys are amazing Andrew told me about you guys and your faithfulness to meet together and just to seek the Lord and to know one more and I'm honored I am honored to be able to speak to you today and just share from my heart I feel like the Lord is saying what he's doing and how he's stirring us man if I'm gonna get emotional just so you guys know I don't know if it's that you guys just carry Jesus so well and I feel it and you know him and I know him so this is gonna be great um so I'm Nicole and I have been a missionary and I said on the little flyer so I figured I'd start there um I've been a missionary for two years a couple years ago in Africa and South America um I have a radical salvation story I did not really know the Lord I knew of him that as far as a personal relationship I I wasn't walking in that and I got um into a car accident where I almost died my internal organs like got ripped my internal intestines got ripped apart in this accident as a drunk driver that T-boned the car that I was in and um they have so many back up and and at that point in my life I was just like God you have to show me that you're real because I had been clinically depressed my entire life just living in the world and um success and life and at that point somebody took me to a church that was Spirit-filled and I saw people speaking in tongues and God speaking and signs and wonders and all these Miracles and I'm like oh this God is real and so from then on manage just was a whirlwind that's I just went straight to the mission field for those two years because I was just lit for the Lord I was like I got um supernaturally healed of depression that I had taken pills since I was like eight years old for depression every day and um when I encountered the Lord I got baptized in the Holy Spirit and I saw a vision of the Roaring Lion of Judah and he I everything in me was just black and dark and when he opened his mouth light came out as he roared over me and he filled me with light from the top my head to the bottom of my feet and I never took a pill for depression again he miraculously miraculously healed me healed my mind healed my heart just healed me it made me knew and just I was like we're going to the Nations everybody needs Jesus everybody needs what I found and so the first place that I went to supernaturally of course you guys know what it is to walk with the Lord he provides in Grace man he's so outside of our thinking so outside of our boxes that it's just like why put him in a box anymore why not just give up our boxes and say God do the impossible because that's what you do you're a God of the impossible um so the first place I went to was Africa if anybody knows Heidi Baker Ministries yeah I went I went with Heidi Baker and I went to her school of missionaries and I actually lived there for about six months and it was it was an adventure I preached in prisons I preached in hospitals I saw the lame walk the deaf I when I was preaching in prison I shared my testimony it was a bunch of men and I'm in this prison in Africa and I shared my testimony and all of them there's so many weeping coming up for prayer and I pray for this one guy and he can't hear he's deaf and so I put my hands on him I don't even know what I prayed but it doesn't matter because it's just God you know I can't do that only God can do that so I prayed for him and his ears opened wow and it's just amazing things like that the whole entire time just signs and wonders signs and wonders a guy that was lame I would go to the markets and in Africa um it's really funny because in this at least this part this Northern Mozambique part of Africa that I was in they don't really show expression like they can get healed like a leg can grow out and they're just kind of stoic and I'm like do you see what happened were you there and um so this one guy he was laying from a motorcycle accident and I was just walking into a store in the village and I prayed for him and he hadn't been able to walk for over 10 years maybe 12 14 I don't remember something like that and I laid my hands on him again don't know what I pray it doesn't matter it's God and I just said get up be healed in Jesus name and he got up and he walked right right and this is the God we serve and and we come to him with our things like I don't think my heart can be healed I can't make this bill you know like these my new little things he can make the lame walk where's our faith church I'm I'm preaching myself right now where where is my faith if he can make the lane walk and the death here what does it build to him what is what is a heart thing that we need to work out to him he's like I can touch you in a moment I can touch you in a moment don't you know how much I love you I feel like that's his constant question to us it's his constant question to me don't you know don't you know how much how much I love you um so that's a little tad bit in Africa and then I have a period of rest and the Lord says all right next we're going to South America and I'm like yes I am South American in my roots I'm Colombian and Mexican so I'm like let's go Lord so I travel with Iris Ministries as a missionary um from the northern tips of southern tip and back up again was this trip for um South America and so again same thing it's just like Miracle signs and wonders everywhere we're going we're preaching and Catholic churches Baptist Church every Church imaginable it's like God was opening doors everywhere that we went and one time this is actually really funny because one of the most memorable Miracles out of that whole trip is a day that I took off you don't take off from Jesus you know we're all we're like missionaries 24 7. you don't take off from Holy Spirit but I took a day off to rest and I went to the nail salon we were in Brazil at that time and as she's working on my feet I can tell she's in a lot of pain and I'm like what what happened what's wrong and um she told me that she had gotten in a motorcycle accident and you have has anyone heard of Todd White yes okay so Todd White I remember hearing him preaching and he I've only been saved for like two years at this point really walking with the Lord saved and I'm like I have heard this guy Todd White say that there's metal in people's bodies and he prays for them and they disappear so I'm saying well I have the same Jesus he does I have the same Holy Spirit he does so I tell this lady I've heard of this guy that does this so that's what's gonna happen and the holy spirit's boldness comes over me and I lay my hands on her and pray for her and I just feel the fire of God coming through me and she starts crying she's like Fuego fire fire it feels like fire and she had metal I could feel the metal rod and the metal um knobs in her leg disappear under my hand and she's just bawling her eyes on I'm like how much pain no pain and it was this crazy Miracle of my day off from the Lord and I end up just preaching the gospel right there because who can say that God's not real at that point and uh and people give their lives to Jesus and that was um one of the most memorable stories but just story after Story of that when we really lay our lives down for the Lord and go there's it's Limitless what he can do um so I just felt stirred to share some testimonies because testimonies it stirs up our faith you know there's one other story where um as in South America I feel I I feel led to share this in particular I don't know if somebody here has struggled with cancer tumors but I was um preaching at a Women's Conference and I had everybody come up for healing for prayer and this one lady came up and she said I've had a tumor in my stomach and I was like well God's gonna make that disappear so I just lay my hammered again don't know what I prayed it's God and she's crying and then a couple it's a three-day conference a couple days later she comes back and she says I had um what are those called scans I had a I had a MRI CAT scan one of those and uh it's not there anymore the tumor disappeared wow um it's just man like we have to stir ourselves we have to stir ourselves with stories of his face faithfulness with with things that he's done for us that we've seen because the enemy always likes to get us in these places where we can't see anything but what's right in front of us this bill this heart issue and God's like don't you remember don't you remember who I've been don't you remember that's why the Israelites made these Little Rock you know things everywhere they went as testimony to remind them of the faithfulness and goodness of God because even when we don't see it made manifest and the problem right here he is an Ever manifesting God amen ever manifesting ever faithful we have to know his character and nature we see his character in nature and then he takes us into Seasons that work out our Salvation that work out our faith in him but he gives us those things to remind us this is who I am walk with me this is who I am you can trust me um so I felt led to to share those testimonies and something that the Lord has really convicted me with over the years is hearing hearing a lot of speakers speak a lot of them share the height Heights the highlights the Mountaintop experiences with the Lord and they're like all these signs and wonders and that's amazing that's who God is but I don't really hear preachers much talking about the lows I don't really hear them talking about the hard places the deserts as near as much and what I've seen come from that even in my own life is a church that is ill-equipped to walk through those places almost like if I'm not at the highest of the heights if I'm not seeing all these Miracle signs and wonders and all these like crazy manifestations something must be wrong with me I must not be where God wants me but let me tell you Church just because you're not in that place does not mean you are not where God wants you it does not look at the stories of the great Heroes of Faith do you think David was always on the mountaintops David had a story of being in the valley until he became King Valley after Valley after Valley who else Joseph get in Gideon there's so many Heroes of Faith that we're we're like well we should always be here and these Heroes of Faith were like trudging their whole life you know Mountaintop trudge dredge dredge we're gonna make it and we and I and so I felt like the Lord really wanted me to vulnerably open up and share um just the season that I've been in and what I've been through because I feel like invulnerability actually one of my friends told me this I was so nervous because it's been years really since I've preached to the congregation I did it those two years countless times but then I went through a Wilderness season and I was so nervous and I was like listen I don't know if this is too vulnerable if this is too raw and she told me that's what the people need that's where you see Jesus the most and that touched me that touched me because that's true you saw vulnerability in the way Jesus walked his life and I think that's what we're missing in the church we're telling we want to talk about all the good things but let's talk about when our hearts are raw and open before the Lord and how he's still good there uh so let me because I don't want to speak for 12 hours I I want to make sure I keep you guys on time um so I went through this season after of the Heights and the preaching and the and the Miracle signs and wonders and at that it was kind of like Mount top to the valley for me and it's probably been two or three years now since I've been in this season of just I of course there's still miracles of course God is still moving because that's who he is but not anything like what I knew because it came to a place where all these hard hard life life happened and there was intense intense betrayal in my life from entire communities from friends from relationships I had a failed engagement intense betrayal from church leaders people that were supposed to be my covering um sickness there was a season that I went through where I literally could not walk I was bedridden for about two months and I had to move back in with my parents and I couldn't I could hardly eat it was like I slept for most every day and night through the night and the two or three hours that I could be awake I was trembling crying having panic attacks I didn't know what was going on with me and the the scripture that I held on to in that time was a couple this one where he surrounds us with songs of Deliverance even when we don't know what's going on he does and in that place he surrounds us with songs of Deliverance and we just have to wait and have faith in him that he's doing that even when it doesn't make sense and another scripture that I held on to was even though my flesh and my heart my heart May Fail Me you remain my strength and my portion forever my body was literally failing me and my heart from all the trauma that I've been through literally it was failing me but in that place he's asking will you hold on to me in that place and I learned I'm learning and I learned how to do that um so just a season of real Trump real life trauma just from every angle throughout that time financial crisis all kinds of things and that's kind of been my season in learning how to find the Lord in that place and learning how to know that I'm still chosen in that place just because you're in the valley does not mean that you are not with God he is close to the Brokenhearted yes to the contrite in spirit he's close um so if it is okay with you guys this is who are you okay with me being very raw yes very vulnerable very real uh I wrote who knows about spoken word anybody spoken word slam poetry that kind of thing yeah um so the Lord told me to write one and uh has anointed me to do so so I did and it was from my season of pain that I'm currently still walking through and if it's okay with you I know it's a little not normal but we need not normal in the church yes so I just want to share this because the Lord led me to share this with you guys um well here it goes what's up messy I know pain it's been one of my closest friends and not friend-like companion but a friend that's ripped me open until it's made me a champion a friend that told me the truth even when it felt like cutting off every one of my limbs and letting it Loose ripping me from all comfortability shaking me from all four Melodies uprooting truly the inner blasphemy until there was just me I had to face me and ask myself am I the kind of woman that would run or do I buckle up and face my pain like a loaded gun saying here I am shoot me because I know you're the only thing that can change me and I won't cry for Mercy until your work is done shoot past the glass of human Frailty into my true identity place a crown on my head and make me a Queen in this race of who I was into who I was made to be faithful have been these wounds of these friends closer than a brother loyal to the end my first friend's betrayal gut-wrenching betrayal I let him close real close because he came in the form of a man that I thought held every one of my dreams my desires my plans and just as I unfolded the most vulnerable part of me exposing myself bear for his hands had taken his eyes to see he stabbed me deep and mercilessly in the most tender part of My Flesh Blood and water pouring from my side A desperate mess he ran like a bandit into the night stealing my light robbing me of my very life and What Hurts the Most is it's always the ones that are so close that run by his side my second faithful friend first name judgment second accusation following me like a cloud filled with voices raised booming loud and my greatest time of need the crowds turned their backs joining the chance of malice and hate completely irate destroying my honor my character my Integrity based on he said she said religious profanity greater than thou complex bearing down on me spitting on my name grounding it in the dirt to forever be shamed and all I could do was stay silent like a lamb led to the slaughter quiet eyes Bleak tears rolling down my cheeks how how could they do this to me my third friend utter rejection his result straightforward and simple he's like a temple I was forced to live in abandoned forsaken unseen filled with Idols that shoved me to my knees of total Solitude casted out deemed worthless these friends different faces different names but all representing pain what if I told you they weren't our enemy but the very thing that could set you free the thing that could differentiate you from me meaning creating individuality leading into your destiny into finding your strength What If instead of tiptoeing around your pain continuously trying to just miss the rain you've faced it with no Coral or qualm and went through it through the tears and the suffering Through The Angst and the agony through the rips and your sails in the Raging Sea you could find the land of breakthrough if only you push through past defeat into healing and into release and don't you dare say that you can't because you can I did because I know a man who lives who welcomed these friends but didn't bend who knew great pain but didn't bow to it who walked on water and split it who had his flesh ripped to shreds and forgave it who set his face like flint and conquered for you for me a man who knew great pain every name but never faltered you can like I did um I felt like I should share that because I felt like we need to be real we need to be real to see that someone can be in that kind of pain and that kind of trauma and encounter and find the Lord there and that in that place he's still just as close as a place on the Mountaintop where we're seeing signs and wonders he's just as close if not closer he cannot he cannot deny a broken contrary it's not who he is he's our Abba he's our father what father can see his child in pain when they have nothing to give no Works nothing that they can possibly give him and turn away from them a good father would Embrace their child and say I'm here you're gonna make it it's okay so this season is the season that I'm currently still in still working through that pain and I'm still here talking to you today that's the God we serve he can use the Heights and the loaves and how uh when I heard that this this message was about expectancy I was like oh great I can share like the depths of Agony and share that we can still be expecting in that place that was pretty that you were going to hear that's what the Lord the Lord to share he wants to share that because he he wants us to know how in the place of greatest human Agony a betrayal of angst of total aloneness this is really funny so when I heard about this I was like I'm gonna bring a whole slew of people that prophesy over everyone they're going to be my prophetic team this is gonna be awesome and probably like three days before every single person told me they couldn't make it I think wow that's probably God even though it doesn't seem like that's God that's probably God so that I can stand here today and say when you have no one when you have no one you have to know how to hold on to him yeah and that's what these places are about that's what these valleys are about he wants us to know that he's there in the hard places so that we can make it through what's coming so that we can make it through the heights with a humble heart before him so that we know how to hold on while he's holding on to us yeah um so in a place of Agony how can you know and be expectant of God you have to know who he is you have to know that he's good in a place where it doesn't make sense I want to share the scripture I'm going to be sharing a lot of scriptures so if you guys want to crack open your Bibles or your apps or works for you um so in one of the many hard times in these past three years this is a scripture that I've really held on to I just kind of stumbled upon it and I was like man this is what you're forming in my heart God this is what you're doing um the knowledge of this and I don't mean head knowledge I mean heart knowledge the knowledge and knowing how like when it talks about Adam knowing Eve to know God that way um so this is a scripture it is Psalm 62 12. one thing God has spoken two things I have heard power belongs to you God With You Lord Is unfailing Love and you reward everyone according to what they've done the things I needed to know most about God in the depths of my despair has been that he's powerful and that he's loving those are the two things that I've had to hold on to throughout the time when things don't make sense and so that scripture has spoken to me a lot and what's really cool is that his name God in the original Anglo-Saxon language translates literally to good his very name his like we all have names that we've been given that usually are a reflection of who he's created us to be but his very name is good so to know that to be to know that in the hard places I feel like that's where what he's forming inside of us and um yeah so that's that's one of the scriptures and in a time when nothing makes sense I was worshiping the Lord and I don't know about you guys but sometimes he'll have me do movements um just in worship to him and I'm sure I look crazy but that's okay because I can be more undignified um so at one point I was doing this over and over again and I was like God what am I doing and he'll show me what I'm doing in heaven and so as I'm doing this before him I see that I'm I'm taking off the top of my head and it turns into a crown and I throw it on his feet over and over and over and over again and the Lord tells me that's the crown of understanding will you worship me or will you worship your understanding and that from then on with that scripture has spoken to me so much because oh it's so easy to see what's in front of us and worship that thing but are we going to worship the things that we cannot understand or are we going to worship him for his goodness for his love um there's another thing that the Lord's been really teaching me and that's um about the faith of Abraham that man had an understanding like he knew how to know the Lord and Worship the Lord Beyond understanding like we probably haven't even fathomed um and so this scripture I wanted to share was about Abraham's resilient expectation in the Lord and it is Romans 4 20-21 it says he did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief but was strengthened in faith giving glory to God and being fully convinced that what he had promised he was also able to perform this man was beyond age to have children and the Lord tells him that he's going to can we talk about something hopeless that looks absolutely just bizarre there's no way there's no way that this is even possible God and yet he did not waver he was fully convinced and it says that Abraham hoped against all hope that is the faith he is forming in US he's a faithful God he's a faithful God why even when we're faithless he is a faithful God and he's forming that Faith within us through the valleys and the times when we don't see him he's forming the faith that he is here and he's just as capable to move now that he was then um so we have a God that doesn't think our thoughts we have a God that's far above what we could ask think or imagine and that's the expectancy that he's forming inside of us um so in another part of my life recently that's been very difficult I had a friend sit me down and kind of counsel me because I was just kind of at my end about everything I was like listen I've been going through all this betrayal I've been going through all this health stuff I was one point where my skin was just crazy and I I couldn't heal it I didn't know what to do and um I was going through all this financial stuff and I just gave her a list and I was like how how could God expect me to think that he is good in this place and she said Nicole the Lord wants you to know that he is good in this place and I was like oh because here I am like waiting for these situations to change you know like I will know that he's good when these situations change because how could I believe he's good if all these things are just so terrible and she's like exactly that's what he's forming in you that's what he's asking you to step out of the boat cast your net where it doesn't where it doesn't make sense and say in this place in this place you're good because Jesus I don't want to be a fair weather friend Jesus he died for us you guys know what he went through for us the agony literal death for us I don't want to give him back fair weather friendship I say no I'm good this is too hard you can't be good in this place I he's not he's deserving of our faith he's deserving of our heart in a hard place he's deserving of our life he's deserving of us so um in that place the Lord spoke to me also about Joseph um and I don't want to get away from this I feel like I'm so we we are called to Covenant with God we are called to marriage with Jesus that's not like when the going gets tough and marriage if we do it the Lord's way you don't run you don't say I'm done you don't say I don't have what it takes to work through this he gave us what it takes to work through anything with him in Union with him a covenant a marriage is when you're one with someone and you can't be separated and that's what he's calling us into he's calling us into the good and the bad he's calling us into vows with him um and I really yeah what can you just let's just put our hands on our hearts let's just tell Jesus Jesus I'm your bride Jesus I'm in Covenant with you I don't want to be a fair weather friend to you Jesus here is my heart it's yours teach me union with you teach me how to stay as one with you in my heart and in my mind Jesus you are my husband my bridegroom form in my heart faithfulness as your bride to you form in my heart enduring love true love Covenant Love she's the same yes God do it God um so in that time when I was like uh I had so I had this crazy time in Ministry that I told you guys about where I am just on fire preaching everywhere getting asked to preach everywhere or seeing signs and wonders and then the Lord just brings me into the season of like nothing like that just really hard deep tragedies happening in my life and no no real empowerment in Ministry because the Lord's like I want to do something different I want the intimacy of your heart in this season and so that even though that's the lower the season the Lord has you in he puts things in our heart for a due time and when we're in a season that's not time yet that doesn't mean the desire is not in your heart it's very much there and that's patience that he forms in us and so in this time of Darkness for me my heart's been wrestling and struggling and I'm like God I know what I'm created for I'm created to do all these crazy things for even to preach and to see this sing the lane walking and I'm stuck like you just have me here in this place of intimacy and rest and I have to go do these things thank God for you and um and and it just felt like I got to a place finally where it just felt like I'm not chosen by God I'm just not chosen by him because it's been years of destitute desolation and and not walking in my calling and just like feeling like I couldn't even walk in it if I had open doors because I'm just so broken and just feeling like this that I'm like okay okay God like after all this betrayal and after all these people like cutting me out of ministry and all these things I must just not be chosen by you that must be it Khan spoke to me and he said look at Joseph look at how many people betrayed him cut him out threw him in a pit talk about betrayal his brothers hear him in a pit to die and Joseph all that he went through wasn't evidence that he wasn't chosen it was evidence that he was and God spoke to me and said all these things that have happened in your life the season that you're in it's evidence that I've chosen you and I care so much about your heart that I want to form you and prepare you to carry out such a calling and that's what it does I remember Graham cook once told a story about um like there's this big thing in a vision that he saw and it was like the stone thing and there was two people chipping away at it and it was carving something magnificent and glorious and it was him and the Lord spoke to him and there had been two people that were following him around everywhere um just bashing him just cutting him down telling rumors about him betraying him like just everywhere he went there was like persecution and um and he and the Lord showed him this vision and then the Lord showed him the faces of the people that were making him into this glorious thing and it was the faces of those people that were following him with persecution so when we are in these bad times these Hard Times these valleys and it's not the Mountaintop God is with us he is good in that place he's forming Us in that place into something beautiful so God assured me you are chosen in this place and I saw um I saw this other thing that the Lord was saying about being chosen in a book recently and it says Joseph's promotion was from the pit to prison that was a promotion and the reason that was a promotion every time even though to us that's like what is the socks you know like it doesn't make sense but the Lord says that it's promotion because every time the Lord was working out a fence in his heart if we have a fence in our heart that it says in the Bible the tormentors can can come at us if we have unforgiveness if we have a fence in our heart we can't walk out the fullness of our calling and we don't want to church we don't we don't want to be in a place where we're walking out our calling and Satan has a hook in us like that so in that time where Joseph was being promoted even though it didn't look like promotion he was being promoted in the spirit he was being promoted by getting all this offense towards God and towards man worked out of his heart so that he could be in the place where God called him to be he was also learning humility because the Lord had told him from the beginning before his family even threw him in a pit the Lord told him hey this is what I have planned for you and then he goes and blabs it to everyone so we can learn from that you probably don't want to blab everything to everyone um guilty so so so he could have easily easily taken offense to God in that place like how dare you God how dare you tell me this great grandiose calling from you that you promised me and where am I I've been in in the pit left to die I'm in prison who knows when I'm getting out could you imagine Joe said probably thought at one point I'm probably never getting out of here what's this God you know like I have felt that way I have felt very much like Joseph in a prison and I'm like this is what you told me God this is what you he calls that promotion he calls that promotion because he's working on a fence and he's creating humility in our hearts and he's preparing us for coming out of prison into our calling and the best thing that we can do in that place I once heard a preacher say this and I was like mind blown I will forever remember that he said you don't that God told him you do not need more anointing you need to learn how to yield I was like oh wow so much we cry out to God for the power of God for the gifting for the miracle we just need to learn how to open ourselves and yield to him and say whatever you want whatever it looks like it doesn't have to look like what I thought all these signs and wonders it can like my life my past three years has looked like simple like smiling at people hugging people resting in the Lord and that's what he called me to so we have to get out of this like this thing of it has to look like this it has to look like you yielding to the Lord that's what it has to look like it has to look like obedience it has to look like saying whatever you want whatever you want to do that's what it has to look like uh let me get back on the subject here I'm way off sorry about that um okay so this was also really good along with along with um I I heard another message that was about the testings of Jesus and I went through a really hard season in the beginning of these hard Seasons chapter of My Life um where it was kind of like everything I could ever want was offered to me on a silver platter but I knew that it wasn't the War I knew that it wasn't for it for sure it wasn't the word but it was like so tempting because it was just right you can have it and and I was like and it was in a form of a relationship and it ripped me to Pieces it tore everything in me to say no to that and to cut ties with that it just it was excruciating it was the greatest sacrifice of my life yet who knows what he has um he's got in the hills and The Valleys okay we're learning that um so it was hard and that was much like the first testing of Jesus where Satan took him into the Wilderness and mind you it was holy spirit that led him into the wilderness so next time we want to say this is so hard this is in terrible place this is the devil that could be holy spirit wanting to work out some hard things in you and walk with you in that place so um leave them in the wilderness Holy Spirit has them there I'm sure that didn't make much sense to him either at the time forming that surrender and yieldedness and uh sane comes to him he says everything you want you can have anything you want and he was starving I don't know about y'all but I if I'm angry like I don't know if I could do that okay like I just get so hungry it's it's scary when I'm hanging but um in this place where Jesus I'm sure is hangry 40 days 41 days and um he comes to him whatever you want I I can turn this Stone into bread and give you all these cities that you can rule over all of them you can have whatever you want and Jesus in that place what did he say he counteracted with the word right yeah he gave the word back to Satan and and that's how he overcame his first trial second trial before his death what was it does anyone know that's him the Betrayal the Betrayal of his closest friends so in the first in the first um time that he had of testing it was that he counteracted with the word in his second time of testing even the Lord was tested even Jesus Son of Man Son of God was led through the forming of his character he grew in favor with men and God even Jesus and that's why we have a high priest that can no no what we're walking through um so the second testing the the counteraction of the word didn't work in that place because it was much more personal than that it was much more close to his heart than that it was it was a testing of his heart in a place where you could find great offense and justifiably so Justified so his closest friends that he had given his life for that he had walked with that he had taught that he had eaten with broken bread with shared his closest secrets with his he gave his time to gave his life to he wasn't married those were his friends those were his life in that time um they betrayed him and they gave him up to be crucified and and the people crucifying him were the very people that he was saving yeah talk about offense you want to take up offense like think about being murdered by the people that you're saving so in that place the counteraction of the word didn't help what was needed is in that place learning how to give offense up and saying I choose love I choose Mercy I choose Grace in the place of greatest betrayal I choose Mercy and that was his testing and he passed and now look what happened we can learn something from that and so I was like oh man like what's next for me because I went through the first testing I'm going through the second one what's next but that's encouragement um for us to know that something is being formed in us right that is teaching us how to be unoffendable that's getting us to the next place unoffendable with God and unoffendable with man when things don't when we don't understand things and when things hurt us how can we remain unoffendable so we can walk into our calling like what Jesus did these are very real testings that we're going through and I would encourage you to ask the lord lord what testing am I going through right now because Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him we have to know what our joy is and sometimes our joy can just look like knowing him more what Greater Joy is there than that you know what Greater Joy to no Union and closeness and fellowship with him so I encourage you to ask that um a story that's really encouraged me in the Bible is when Paul just for many reasons but when Paul is preaching and he's just preaching the gospel going crazy you know Paul the Apostle of Apostles the preacher of all preachers he wrote most of the New Testament and he's just preaching the gospel and the snake bites him it's a poisonous venomous snake he could die and instead of Paul saying no freaking out and focusing on that snake what did he do he's preaching he grabs it he throws it in the fire and he keeps preaching the gospel that is the tenaciousness that's being built inside of us I'm not there yet but that's what we're working for you know that's what we're working for instead of my my this pain this betrayal this is the Lord that's what he's forming that's what he's forming in US um so the gospel is obviously a message of expectancy and of not losing hope and um one in a season where it was really hard for me to not lose hope and it just seemed like everything was just dead like no Ministry no no like even like being alive in my heart I felt dead in my heart because of all the trauma and offense that I've been through just everything dead I felt like everything was dead and somebody prophesied over me and they said I see this forest in the dead of winter and all the trees are barren and you're looking around like will will this ever be alive and it was my heart like will this ever be a life a dead winner everything's dead and the Lord says to me it's not dead it's ready and that has really spoken to me um he also said everything went he said it's not dead it's ready and I said God but it's so cold and empty he said no it's not it's clear that is what God is forming in Us in the barren season he is clearing things out for us and preparing things so that we're ready so that we're ready to receive and run in what he's called us to We're Not Dead what looks dead is not dead it's clear and it's ready that's how the Lord sees it hey man Hallelujah I need to remember that one remind me Holy Spirit okay okay so I want to share two scriptures with you guys if y'all want to turn to me with them so this one is in Hebrews 10. I'm going to kind of jump around in that one so you might not be able to follow me exactly but um it's where Paul is encouraging the church and he says let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful Hallelujah remember those earlier days after you had received the light when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering do not throw away your confidence it will be richly rewarded you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you receive what he's promised this very much reminds me of when he's correcting the church and he's saying in Revelations and he's like everything you've done great you've done all the works that you're supposed to do you've loved each other well like all these different things that the church has done good the Lord is commending them but then he says but this one thing I have against you you have left your first love doesn't it sound like that remember those earlier days when you first received the light and you endured great conflict full of suffering we cannot grow weary church we cannot grow weary because when we endure we receive what he's promised he's a faithful God no matter what it looks like he's a good God no matter what the journey looks like to get to the promise that he's promised us the promise of his fullness the promise of our destiny whatever the promise is that you're contending for do not grow weary remember when you were first in love when you're first in love with the Lord how full of Faith you were how full of expectancy return back to that we don't want him to have that against us we don't we want to return with our hearts Rend your heart open I feel like the Lord just calling us to that Rim your heart open repent of unbelief repent of not being expected repent of those things and return to me return to the faith and expectantly expectancy you had when you were first in love right because when I know this I'm in a relationship right now when you're first in love it's like we can we can endure anything no matter what happens we are in this to win this and this is awesome you know like that's when your first fall in love yeah and then you like get lied to you know like it you know like what there's all kinds of hits that you can take in relationship and we can very much feel like we're taking those hits from God yeah you know like Joseph could have you're not being faithful to what you promised me I'm in prison you know but he's a God that's outside of time we have to remember that he's doing so many things that we are not aware of um so in this place you know you're taking all these hits you think you're taking them from God and from people and then you can get to it to a place where like you're struggling for that love it's like man like I cannot take anymore like I just can't take anymore my heart has been too beat up and the Lord's saying hey before all that offense happened before you took all those hits that you thought were from me before all that pain and Trauma came in and all the disillusionment and the loss of Hope before all that happened return to that place can get through anything I'm so I'm so in love that's what he's calling us that's what he's calling us to one more scripture you okay with that yes all right Revelations 3 2. Be watchful and strengthen the things which remain that are ready to die for I have not found your works perfect before God okay pause for the quick right there so when it says strengthen the things which remain that are ready to die he's talking about faith strengthen your faith if it's in this place where you've gotten all these hits and all this betrayal and you're like I can't take any more strength in it remind yourself of testimonies remind yourself that he is good that he is powerful that he is God that he is kind remind yourself of those things and strengthen your faith till you're back to the first love that you once had get back to that intimate Place sometimes man for me Warren warring Warfare looks like laying down and letting him love me that's what Warfare looks like sometimes it looks like just getting crazy in worship you know like I will worship you I don't care what it looks like I don't care how I feel just getting wild just whatever it takes to get you back to the place of First Love and intimacy with him where you see his face in the Hebrew language there is no word for presence if y'all don't Bible study I encourage you to because you miss so much and you don't see the root words of things but presence in the Hebrew translates literally to face the face of God to get back to that intimate place of first love you have to look at his face that's the way it gets us back look at his face be in the presence of God seek his face oh recently I gotta tell this really quick pause on the yeah keep Revival it's open I am a nanny I'm 28 and I'm a nanny it's okay God is working on me being unoffendable it's okay offendable Jesus um so I nanny this little boy and he is precious but he has his days and one day he was just like freaking out like throwing crazy tantrum and I'm like whoa what is going on and he couldn't see me where he was he was like sitting looking this way and so I'm I'm over here and I'm like wait calm down and I look as soon as I lock eyes with him as soon as I see his face I was like oh my God and then I heard a TED talk right after that does anybody know about Ted Talk they're great I I listened to Ted talk right after you know God speaks through anything movies Ted Talk whatever he will speak to it because he is all in his and all amen yeah so he's in this Ted Talk he talks about how in relationship if there's something that you need to talk about that's difficult then you need to be face to face and body to body like facing each other yeah um because in that place your heart is open and he can't it's not as easy to take offense and be defensive because you're face to face and the Lord spoke to me so much about that like in my relationship but my relationship with him it is all about being face to face with him that's how we get back to First Love that's how we get past offense and all the trauma being face to face okay now it's tangents that one's free okay um so let's get back to the scripture strengthen things which remained strengthen your face strengthen your first love that's uh and then it says where I have not found your works perfect before God so what that reminds me of When God says I haven't found your works perfect before me he does not delight and sacrifice he doesn't Delight in us like trying really hard to be a super Christian like I'm gonna do all these works and I'm gonna like feed the poor and and all these things are amazing and great and we should do them as an overflow yeah but when we're doing them outside of the will of God or outside of the presence of Jesus we're missing it and so he says I don't I don't find Delight uh oops your works are not perfect before God so it's like they're they're working so hard but they're missing the first love they're missing the presence of Jesus they're missing what it's all about and um so that those scriptures um Psalm 51 17 on a side note um it says that God does not Delight in sacrifice he wants the realness of your heart even if broken in contrite where where David's like you know like you I would give you Bulls I would sacrifice all these things to you but but that's not what you want here's my broken and contrite heart that's what the Lord is after those works are awesome awesome if you give them your heart first you know another scripture is uh where it says he doesn't Delight in in works and sacrifice but he Delights in the obedience to the Lord no matter what it looks like that's the story in first Samuel 15 22. um that's kind of touched on what we talked about earlier how he's after obedience he's after being yielded in the place where you could take offense um and the end of that scripture is remember therefore how you have received and heard he's talking about the gospel hold fast and repent so I am obviously not your ordinary preacher lady I'm obviously a little out of the box Jesus loves me it's okay so I know we're used to hearing like these super uplifting messages and it's all about feeling good but I really feel like the Lord is like Ruffin you know like repent so you can have the fullness repent change your heart so you can live the fullness of the Gospel in your destiny repent from a fence from heartening of your heart from losing your first love so you can have it back um so if everybody wants to stand with me we'll pray through that and then I'll ask Porsha to come and share some things and then if we have time we'll cross cyber individuals all right so we're gonna do the heart thing again because the Lord is all about the heart okay so just place your hands on your heart and we're gonna pray to Jesus we're going to pray to God and pray to Abba and we're going to repent for these things so he can fill us so you can just uh repeat after me or say it in your own words just pray this with me Abba God I Repent of unbelief I Repent of not having expectancy of your goodness I Repent of offense towards you and towards men I repent from leaving my first love I Repent from letting my heart grow cold I Repent from agreeing with weariness now come Lord Jesus and fill those places in my heart fill me with expectancy of All That You Are fill me with your grace Abba fill me with your first love and she's a snake Jesus name I'm just gonna keep staying there and I'm just gonna pray over you guys Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus King Jesus you are enough you are enough for the disappointment you are enough for the weariness you are enough for the Betrayal you're enough for the bitterness all of those things all those Spirits I command them to bow at the feet of Jesus right now in all of our hearts I declare they have no more place and no more voice every one of those Spirits silenced from here on out that we would recognize him as strange and that in that place we would have faith that we would repent and turn from doubt Abba you are worthy of our hearts you are worthy of our hearts and in these places that our valleys God teach us to sing teach us to sing teach us to praise teach us to trust God to trust that you are just as good in the valley as you were in the mountaintops to trust that you're forming in something Eternal in us that is so much more worth what we think we should have right now on Earth what you're forming is good in US Abba and teach us to trust that teach us to yield Lord I don't want more of anything than more than I want to yield to you so teach me to yield teach me to yield to you Holy Spirit you're the only one that knows you're the only one that knows what we need what we need to do what needs to happen you're the only one teaches to yield to you in the mountaintops and in The Valleys God teach us to yield and to return to love when everything is trying to rip us apart teach us to return to love thank you Jesus for healing and mending our hearts throughout the process thank you that you're faithful to do what you said you do you're faithful to finish what you began in US you are faithful form that faith in us God to trust you when we don't understand we cast our crowns of understanding at your feet you are worthy and you are the only one worthy you are the only one worthy of my acknowledgment my praise and My Worship I will not worship understanding so I bless you ABBA I bless you Jesus and I bless every person in this room to be strengthened and encouraged to let go and disagree with hopelessness and weariness and to put all of their faith in you and in who you say that you are to put all of their faith and you being faithful from beginning to end that you're getting them somewhere glorious in Jesus name amen y'all are awesome how much time do we have okay